The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Summary

My buddy Paul gave me The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem years ago, and I bear in mind having to read most pages twice. It felt very complicated on the time. The concepts in it are for sure, Nathaniel Branden’s thinking is on a really high and abstract level. In fact you wouldn’t count on anything less from one among Ayn Rand‘s most devoted followers (and former lovers, ahem).

Branden devoted his life to the psychology of shallowness, which culminated within the publication of this book in 1994. He discovered six pillars, which are the muse on which one can develop a wholesome quantity of shallowness, to live a fulfilled life.

Here are 3 lessons from the book:

Vanity is like calcium: a scarcity gained’t kill you, however you'll be able to’t really live without it.
Accept yourself and take full responsibility.
Living purposefully and practising personal integrity are the hardest pillars of self-esteem.
Ready to say your proper to be comfortable? Time for a pep talk!

Lesson 1: Shallowness is like calcium: an absence received’t kill you, however you may’t really live without it.
You'll be able to read headlines like "10 Tips to Seem More Assured" or"Easy methods to Enhance Your Self-Esteem" all over the place, but if I asked you to really explain what shallowness is, could you do it?

It certainly must be more than the drunken confidence of frat guys making an attempt tacky pick-up lines on girls, right? Yup!

Nathaniel Branden says shallowness is the immune system of consciousness, with the flexibility to withstand, make it robust and regenerate it.

In a method, self-esteem is like calcium. Calcium is what makes your enamel and bones sturdy, making it a vital a part of a healthy body. While a lack of calcium won’t kill you, when you stay depleted over a very long time, residing a completely engaged life becomes really hard, as your body gets weak.

The identical is true for shallowness and your psychological well-being. Positive, you may navigate by way of life without it, however you’ll always get pushed round and never actually live in accordance with your objectives, purposes and values.

This is because self-esteem works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you anticipate yourself to be capable of, the more these expectations influence your habits in a means that makes your actions align with them. Subsequently, your self-esteem is a technique to turn your wishes into reality.

Lesson 2: Accept your self as you are and take responsibility for a hundred% of the things that happen in your life.
I can’t describe all six pillars of self esteem audiobook pillars right here, however number 2 and 3 are important. They are self-acceptance and self-responsibility, which may be a bit hard to differentiate at first, so let me try.

Self-acceptance is linked to mindfulness. You choose to worth yourself, just the way in which you might be, without practising judgment. For instance, yesterday I bit my nails very badly. I may get mad at myself and regret this, but when I choose to simply accept that it happened, I can then ask why I bit within the first place. The answer is that I used to be pressured, because I felt behind on what I needed to perform for the day, and biting my nails was a physical reduction for the stress that I created in my head when my expectations didn’t match reality.

In the event you apply self-acceptance and dig deeper, you’ll make repeating this bad habits lots less likely. A caveat: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. To the contrary. The only approach to discover the drive to get higher is to just accept yourself as you at the moment are, otherwise you’ll waste your entire time agonizing over your past mistakes.

Self-accountability is a direct result of self-acceptance. It means taking control of your life and happiness by becoming a hundred% resolution-oriented. Don’t waste even a second complaining, and immediately ask "What can I do about it?" every time a problem arises. Utterly cease blaming others. Nobody’s pushing your buttons, no one’s actions are a pre-condition on your personal and it's nobody’s job to make you happy.

It’s all you, and that’s a good thing!

Lesson three: Try to live with a objective and apply personal integrity (it’s hard!)
Pillars 5 and 6 are linked as well. The previous is about living purposefully. Most of us really feel like we now have a way of what our goal is, or at least a rough thought of it. Living with objective means to try to maintain clarifying that goal as you go alongside, while concurrently taking actions that’ll move us closer in that direction.

For example, I could say I wish to be a writer, however then just "wait till I've a good suggestion for a novel". Instead, I just build my skills in the meantime, by writing for Four Minute Books each time I get a chance. I can work out an concept for a novel later, at the very least I’m residing in alignment with my purpose.

Taking motion is the part that makes positive you complete the sixth pillar, probably the most difficult of them all: personal integrity. It’s when the way you behave matches the words you speak. It begins with keeping small guarantees and talking the reality even when slightly white lie can be more convenient. This is the hardest one to practice, because our society makes amorality appear regular – being a cynic and exhibiting bad habits is even considered cool as of late (consuming, failing at a startup, not caring about your career, etc.).

The truth that you and I are surrounded by loads of dishonest hypocrites makes it all of the more clear and important that we have to be different.