The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Summary

My friend Paul gave me The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem years ago, and I bear in mind having to read most pages twice. It felt very difficult at the time. The ideas in it are for sure, Nathaniel Branden’s thinking is on a very high and abstract level. After all you wouldn’t expect anything less from one of Ayn Rand‘s most devoted followers (and former lovers, ahem).

Branden devoted his life to the psychology of shallowness, which culminated in the publication of this book in 1994. He discovered six pillars of self esteem audiobook pillars, which are the inspiration on which one can develop a wholesome quantity of shallowness, to live a fulfilled life.

Listed here are 3 lessons from the book:

Shallowness is like calcium: an absence won’t kill you, however you'll be able to’t really live with out it.
Settle for yourself and take full responsibility.
Living purposefully and working towards personal integrity are the hardest pillars of self-esteem.
Ready to assert your right to be completely satisfied? Time for a pep discuss!

Lesson 1: Self-esteem is like calcium: an absence won’t kill you, but you can’t really live with out it.
You'll be able to read headlines like "10 Tips to Appear More Assured" or"Tips on how to Increase Your Self-Esteem" everywhere, but when I asked you to really explain what vanity is, could you do it?

It absolutely needs to be more than the drunken confidence of frat guys trying tacky pick-up lines on women, right? Yup!

Nathaniel Branden says self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness, with the flexibility to withstand, make it sturdy and regenerate it.

In a manner, self-esteem is like calcium. Calcium is what makes your tooth and bones strong, making it an essential a part of a healthy body. While a scarcity of calcium won’t kill you, in case you keep depleted over a very long time, dwelling a fully engaged life turns into really hard, as your body gets weak.

The same is true for self-esteem and your psychological well-being. Positive, you can navigate through life with out it, however you’ll always get pushed around and not actually live in accordance with your goals, functions and values.

This is because vanity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you anticipate your self to be capable of, the more these expectations influence your habits in a way that makes your actions align with them. Subsequently, your shallowness is a technique to turn your needs into reality.

Lesson 2: Accept your self as you are and take accountability for 100% of the things that happen in your life.
I can’t describe all six pillars right here, but number 2 and three are important. They're self-acceptance and self-responsibility, which may be a bit hard to distinguish at first, so let me try.

Self-acceptance is related to mindfulness. You select to worth yourself, just the way you're, without working towards judgment. For instance, yesterday I bit my nails very badly. I could get mad at myself and remorse this, but if I select to simply accept that it happened, I can then ask why I bit within the first place. The answer is that I was harassed, because I felt behind on what I needed to accomplish for the day, and biting my nails was a physical reduction for the stress that I created in my head when my expectations didn’t match reality.

When you apply self-acceptance and dig deeper, you’ll make repeating this bad behavior a lot less likely. A caveat: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. To the contrary. The only option to find the drive to get higher is to accept yourself as you are now, otherwise you’ll waste all your time agonizing over your previous mistakes.

Self-responsibility is a direct results of self-acceptance. It means taking management of your life and happiness by turning into 100% solution-oriented. Don’t waste even a second complaining, and immediately ask "What can I do about it?" each time a problem arises. Completely stop blaming others. Nobody’s pushing your buttons, no one’s actions are a pre-condition in your personal and it's nobody’s job to make you happy.

It’s all you, and that’s a very good thing!

Lesson three: Attempt to live with a objective and apply personal integrity (it’s hard!)
Pillars 5 and 6 are linked as well. The former is about dwelling purposefully. Most of us really feel like we now have a way of what our purpose is, or a minimum of a tough idea of it. Living with function means to try to keep clarifying that function as you go along, while concurrently taking actions that’ll move us closer in that direction.

For instance, I might say I need to be a author, however then just "wait until I have a good idea for a novel". Instead, I just build my skills in the meantime, by writing for Four Minute Books every time I get a chance. I can determine an idea for a novel later, at the very least I’m residing in alignment with my purpose.

Taking action is the half that makes positive you full the sixth pillar, essentially the most tough of them all: personal integrity. It’s when how you behave matches the words you speak. It begins with keeping small guarantees and talking the truth even when just a little white lie can be more convenient. This is the hardest one to follow, because our society makes amorality seem regular – being a cynic and exhibiting bad habits is even considered cool nowadays (ingesting, failing at a startup, not caring about your profession, etc.).

The fact that you and I are surrounded by loads of dishonest hypocrites makes it all the more clear and essential that we've to be different.