The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem Summary

My buddy Paul gave me The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem years ago, and I keep in mind having to read most pages twice. It felt very difficult on the time. The ideas in it are for positive, Nathaniel Branden’s thinking is on a very high and abstract level. Of course you wouldn’t expect anything less from one of Ayn Rand‘s most devoted followers (and former lovers, ahem).

Branden devoted his life to the psychology of vanity, which culminated in the publication of this book in 1994. He discovered six pillars, which are the muse on which one can develop a healthy quantity of self-esteem, to live a fulfilled life.

Here are 3 lessons from the book:

Self-esteem is like calcium: an absence won’t kill you, but you possibly can’t truly live without it.
Settle for yourself and take full responsibility.
Living purposefully and working towards personal integrity are the hardest pillars of self-esteem.
Ready to claim your proper to be blissful? Time for a pep discuss!

Lesson 1: Self-esteem is like calcium: an absence received’t kill you, however you possibly can’t actually live with out it.
You'll be able to read headlines like "10 Tips to Appear More Assured" or"How you can Boost Your Self-Esteem" everywhere, but if I asked you to really clarify what shallowness is, may you do it?

It absolutely needs to be more than the drunken confidence of frat guys making an attempt cheesy pick-up lines on ladies, right? Yup!

Nathaniel Branden says vanity is the immune system of consciousness, with the flexibility to resist, make it sturdy and regenerate it.

In a manner, shallowness is like calcium. Calcium is what makes your tooth and bones sturdy, making it an important a part of a healthy body. While a lack of calcium received’t kill you, when you keep depleted over a long time, dwelling a completely engaged life becomes really hard, as your body gets weak.

The identical is true for self-esteem and your psychological well-being. Positive, you possibly can navigate by means of life without it, but you’ll always get pushed round and not really live in accordance with your objectives, functions and values.

This is because vanity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you count on your self to be capable of, the more these expectations influence your behavior in a means that makes your actions align with them. Subsequently, your self-esteem is a approach to turn your wishes into reality.

Lesson 2: Accept your self as you're and take accountability for one hundred% of the things that happen in your life.
I can’t describe all six pillars here, but number 2 and three are important. They are self-acceptance and self-duty, which may be a bit hard to differentiate at first, so let me try.

Self-acceptance is connected to mindfulness. You choose to worth yourself, just the way in which you are, without practising judgment. For example, yesterday I bit my nails very badly. I might get mad at myself and regret this, but when I select to just accept that it occurred, I can then ask why I bit in the first place. The reply is that I was burdened, because I felt behind on what I wished to perform for the day, and biting my nails was a physical aid for the stress that I created in my head when my expectations didn’t match reality.

Should you apply self-acceptance and dig deeper, you’ll make repeating this bad behavior quite a bit less likely. A caveat: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. To the contrary. The only way to find the drive to get higher is to just accept your self as you at the moment are, in any other case you’ll waste all your time agonizing over your previous mistakes.

Self-accountability is a direct result of self-acceptance. It means taking management of your life and happiness by becoming one hundred% resolution-oriented. Don’t waste even a second complaining, and immediately ask "What can I do about it?" whenever a problem arises. Completely cease blaming others. Nobody’s pushing your buttons, nobody’s actions are a pre-situation for your personal and it is nobody’s job to make you happy.

It’s all you, and that’s a good thing!

Lesson 3: Attempt to live with a purpose and practice personal integrity (it’s hard!)
Pillars 5 and 6 are connected as well. The previous is about dwelling purposefully. Most of us feel like we've got a way of what our goal is, or at the least a rough thought of it. Living with goal means to try and preserve clarifying that function as you go along, while simultaneously taking actions that’ll move us closer in that direction.

For instance, I could say I wish to be a author, but then just "wait till I've a good idea for a novel". Instead, I just build my expertise in the meantime, by writing for Four Minute free audible books each time I get a chance. I can work out an idea for a novel later, at the least I’m dwelling in alignment with my purpose.

Taking action is the half that makes positive you complete the sixth pillar, essentially the most tough of them all: personal integrity. It’s when how you behave matches the words you speak. It begins with keeping small promises and speaking the truth even when slightly white lie can be more convenient. This is the hardest one to observe, because our society makes amorality seem normal – being a cynic and exhibiting bad habits is even considered cool as of late (drinking, failing at a startup, not caring about your career, etc.).

The truth that you and I are surrounded by plenty of dishonest hypocrites makes it all of the more clear and necessary that we have to be different.